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I came upon this journal entry today. I remember feeling scared when he left, scared that he'd be flying in the air for 14 hours, and that something could go wrong. I remember looking at myself in the mirror, 6 months pregnant then, and the image of me losing him and raising this child on my own stabbed me in the heart. I quickly brushed it away, telling myself that worrying would not help me, or Nova. I remember feeling relieved when he called me to tell me he'd gotten home safely, and was snuggled up in our bed. I was in Colorado by then, but joined him the following night. I feel relieved now, to know that I knew just how lucky we were.
******************* March 28, 2014 George left for China today. He’ll be gone 8 days and I already miss him. Coincidentally I’m leaving for Denver & Vail on Thursday and will be back the day after he returns. Oh I miss him already! It’s funny how different things are when you’re pregnant. George and I have done a lot of things apart, for much (much!) longer periods of time, and I always miss him but this time feels different. Much more like a part of me is gone. The house feels very empty. And there’s this prayer I hear myself whispering, praying that he’ll come home safely. Maybe something about carrying his child, now having a part of him inside of me, feels his absence that much stronger. And I realize how precious life is, what a gift we are to each other, what an amazing opportunity we’ve been given to be together and have this child, and grow old with each other. We are so damn lucky. Nova hasn’t moved as much today as usual. She misses him too. |
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