I had a cry.

I had a cry.
Thinking about the moments following
His death
The stark and unequivocal presence of
My spirit crashing
Into His

The two of us in awe
And wonder
And shock
And terror
Carefully investigating the territory of 
Our new existence
The nightmare we had never dared 
Imagine.
We would never hold each other
Again.
I would touch his 
Lifeless
Body
One more time
And send him away to be meticulously 
Picked apart
Then burned to ash 
Returned to dust
Forever 
Gone.

I had a cry.  
Because I longed to hold him
Because I longed to touch him
Even if my touch was
Not reciprocated
Even if he was growing cold
On that gurney
Under hospital sheets.
I longed not only for him alive
But for those final 
Precious
Moments
In the presence 
Of his
Humanness.