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Please join me on a journey from grief to surrender, from fear to empowerment, from uncertainty to.... uncertainty. 
"When you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life."  ​
~Eckhart Tolle

Last Night's Dream

5/16/2016

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I had a really beautiful and heartbreaking dream about George last night.  I have a hard time remembering the exact narrative, but the emotions are strong.

I was waiting for him to come.  I was in a place with a handful of other people, and we were all waiting for something.  There was a waiting bench, the kind you find at a bus stop.

George didn’t come.  He kept finding other things to do, other places to be.  I would wait, and wait, and wait, and find other things to occupy my time.  I began to wonder if he was ever coming for me.  ​

Finally, he appeared.  He was wearing this green shirt of his, the one with a lightning bolt on it that I’ve been wearing to bed lately.  I looked at his face, and it was illuminated.  I have not seen him this vividly for a long time.  His hair had grown long and wavy and he was smiling, unapologetically, and I thought, There you are -- where have you been?  But I didn’t ask, and he didn’t explain.  He just stood there with a grounded peaceful presence, smiling.

I felt joy and disappointment and love and longing all at once.  I went to him and embraced him and wrapped my legs around his waist, and I held him.  I forgave him in that instant.  But I felt my heart breaking.

His energy was very quiet, not wanting or grasping or desiring anything, though I wanted him to desire me.  As in all dreams I have about George, he was aloof and unattached, while I wished for him to reciprocate the joy and excitement I felt to experience his physical body next to mine.  I held onto him until I awoke.  

​Today I am sad.
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    Joanne Chang is a writer, mother, widow and movement-maker.  She lives in Denver, CO.

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