A final letting go.

Artist unknown.

I had an epiphany today.

The George I have been holding onto is gone.  He is free in the purest sense.  He has no desire or attachment.  Not for any of us, and not for this human life.  He cares for me, but this relationship is largely out of balance.  It’s like the movie Her, except George is not an operating system, he is a soul spirit.  

In my dream he was telling me that it is time for my heart to let him go.  That it is futile for me to continue holding him so near, for he hasn’t the capacity to reciprocate.  Though I have often felt closer to George since his death, it is impossible to determine how much of that is a true deepening of our love, and how much of that I have fabricated to satisfy my longing and disappointment, to cope with the reality that our relationship, as I knew it, is over.  

It makes no sense for me to consider him the way I used to consider him.  I know only a fraction of him now.  Human George loved me, and human George died.  Spirit George is an entirely different entity, and he belongs to no one.

​Tonight George feels more like a man who is leaving me, than my love watching over me.  This is another kind of heartbreak.  It stings.  And it sets me free.